Giving Myself a Talking To

Friday wasn’t a very good day. I had an anxiety attack in the middle of Thursday night.

I don’t remember the last time I had one of them.

As a result of it I didn’t feel very well on Friday morning and couldn’t go into work. G was home so was able to do nursery runs as usual for the morning and take on Little Man duties for the rest of the day. So I spent the majority of the day in bed feeling poorly and sorry for myself. As I have said in previous posts I almost feel anxiety symptoms more because they don’t happen very often now compared to when I was living with post-natal anxiety after having Little Man.

I am a worrier by nature and one thing I have been left with after the last couple of years is extreme worrying when something like Friday happens.

I worry about letting people down.

I worry about leaving people in the lurch at work.

I worry about spending a day in bed poorly and sinking back into anxiety.

I worry about G getting annoyed that I am at home on his only working from home day (he never does!).

I worry if G will know what to with Little Man.

I worry that Little Man will be ill or need me when I am feeling rough.

I worry. A lot.

However, the one thing I have learnt from my recovery is all of this doesn’t help and more than likely the worrying is not needed.

Anxiety

So I have dusted myself off and by writing this given myself a good talking to. I am still feeling a bit wobbly about the blips I have had recently but there is a lot going on at the moment and I am happy to put it down to that. I like to have a reason.

An anxiety attack wasn’t something I planned or could control (especially while I was asleep) so the physical after effects aren’t either. Blaming ourselves in situations like this get us nowhere. Fact. But it is the one thing I find tough. I think I am getting better at it though. Bad days happen to us all, anxiety sufferers or not and that’s something I need to fully learn to accept.

This is a rambling post I know, meant for nothing more but to help myself and my brain but I thought I would share it anyway. If you are feeling how I felt, remember it isn’t your fault and tomorrow is a new day. Try again then.

Have a lovely day, I’m off to try again.

 

 

Mami 2 Five
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4 Comments

  1. April 18, 2015 / 9:55 pm

    Thanks you for writing about post natal anxiety. I hadn’t thought about it but it’s true that it feels very different now my anxiety is under some control. For many months feeling very anxious was my baseline.

  2. April 18, 2015 / 10:58 pm

    Hey- after my last exam I ended up calling in sick to work for four days and spending them in bed. I just couldn’t cope with life. I was exhausted, my husband (previously a psychiatrist) was amazing. He told me I needed the time and that I shouldn’t feel guilty- he just let me spend the best part of four days in bed. What he said was just what I needed to hear. He told me it was ok to not be ok, that I needed some time and I should take it. So I stayed in bed for four days and after that I felt a bit better. Please don’t feel guilty about needing some time out. Maybe what happened was a warning that you needed a break. You shouldn’t feel guilty about not being superwoman. Everybody needs a break sometimes. Next time you have a day in bed try to enjoy it! Xx
    Morna recently posted…5 ways to repair my mojoMy Profile

    • April 19, 2015 / 8:33 am

      Aw thank you so much hun. Just what I needed to read. Hope the exams went well x

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