Friday wasn’t a very good day. I had an anxiety attack in the middle of Thursday night.
I don’t remember the last time I had one of them.
As a result of it I didn’t feel very well on Friday morning and couldn’t go into work. G was home so was able to do nursery runs as usual for the morning and take on Little Man duties for the rest of the day. So I spent the majority of the day in bed feeling poorly and sorry for myself. As I have said in previous posts I almost feel anxiety symptoms more because they don’t happen very often now compared to when I was living with post-natal anxiety after having Little Man.
I am a worrier by nature and one thing I have been left with after the last couple of years is extreme worrying when something like Friday happens.
I worry about letting people down.
I worry about leaving people in the lurch at work.
I worry about spending a day in bed poorly and sinking back into anxiety.
I worry about G getting annoyed that I am at home on his only working from home day (he never does!).
I worry if G will know what to with Little Man.
I worry that Little Man will be ill or need me when I am feeling rough.
I worry. A lot.
However, the one thing I have learnt from my recovery is all of this doesn’t help and more than likely the worrying is not needed.
So I have dusted myself off and by writing this given myself a good talking to. I am still feeling a bit wobbly about the blips I have had recently but there is a lot going on at the moment and I am happy to put it down to that. I like to have a reason.
An anxiety attack wasn’t something I planned or could control (especially while I was asleep) so the physical after effects aren’t either. Blaming ourselves in situations like this get us nowhere. Fact. But it is the one thing I find tough. I think I am getting better at it though. Bad days happen to us all, anxiety sufferers or not and that’s something I need to fully learn to accept.
This is a rambling post I know, meant for nothing more but to help myself and my brain but I thought I would share it anyway. If you are feeling how I felt, remember it isn’t your fault and tomorrow is a new day. Try again then.
Have a lovely day, I’m off to try again.