Post-natal Anxiety & Me – How it really felt
I have had this post half written in my drafts for a long time. I only now feel ready to finish it and publish it because I am 70% recovered. I don’t know if I will ever be 100% recovered from post-natal anxiety. I am unsure at which point I stop calling it post-natal anxiety and just call it anxiety. My boy is 3 now.
The main reason I want to publish this is to help others. Although there is still not enough awareness out there about post-natal depression there is even less awareness surrounding post-natal anxiety. It is often grouped as the baby sibling of post-natal depression. However, I had it on it’s own. If you recognise any of the sentances below in yourself or in someone you know, please please talk to someone. Email me if you like but talk to someone.
This is how it felt.
It felt like someone was pushing down on my chest to stop me from breathing properly.
It felt like everyone was judging how I was a Mum.
It felt like there was an invisible wall on the other side of my door so I couldn’t get out.
It felt like I couldn’t be the Mum I wanted to be.
It felt like I was letting everyone down.
It felt like I was constantly dizzy and tired.
It felt like I didn’t understand what was happening to me.
It felt like I was a failure.
It felt like I couldn’t look after my tiny baby on my own.
It felt like I could paint on a smile and everyone would think I was fine. Then I cried in my kitchen to my friends.
It felt like nothing was ever going to change.
Except one day it felt like something did change.
One day it felt like I didn’t want to be that person anymore.
One day it felt like I needed to do something about it.
One day I very slowly did something about it.
Today I still am doing something about it.
It’s a long road and I am not at the end of it but if you are feeling like I was, remember it can get easier. Talk about it to someone, anyone.