It’s funny what inspires a blog post. I have to say I didn’t expect watching X Factor to be one of those things.
A couple of weeks ago I watched an audition by a lady who had had been through a fair few tough things in her life. Funnily enough though it wasn’t the dramatic X Factor style sob story that resonated with me it was the lyrics of the song she sang. It was I Didn’t Know My Own Strength by Whitney Housten. I may have been living under a rock for the last 20 years but I had actually never heard it before. It really made me think about strength and the strength you develop when you become a parent.
Before I had Little Man I had been through my fair share of tough times as everyone has; break ups, grief, arguements, etc. I’d disappear under my duvet for a bit, only having to worry about myself. Let the upset wash over me.
After I had Little Man anxiety became a problem in my life. I think it is probably the toughest thing I have ever had to face. If I had suffered with it before having Little Man I think it would have become all consuming. I don’t think I would have fought so hard, probably lettting it get to me more than I should have. After all there was no reason to push through it. However, because I had Little Man I dealt with it very differently. Even though at the time I felt like the worlds worst Mum and I thought my whole life was destined to feel rubbish every time I attempted to leave the house, I fought it. I fought it hard and for the most part I won. It didn’t feel like winning at the time. G would leave us on a Monday morning, not to return till the Thursday. I had to get up to feed Little Man, cloth him. He needed me and whatever issues were going on in my own head I had to face it and deal with it. Now I look back I know this is something to be proud of.
If you are a Mum sufferening with post-natal depression/anxiety remember this. You are really really strong. It may not feel like it, it may feel like you are not winning at life but you are. You got up and you faced the day.
Whether it be something like post-natal depression/anxiety, a work problem, an arguement with a friend when you are a parent you have to get up and face it. I think as parents that’s something we should be so proud of. We have to face life and its problems because our children need us to. We are stronger than we think.
In the words of Whitney (not sure I could make this part of the post any more cheesier and cliche if I tried!) – I crashed down and I tumbled, but I did not crumble….I was not built to break.
Have a lovely day.