So here we are. I am finally writing it. Writing the post that has been written in my head since the day I found out I was pregnant again. This isn’t easy to write so bear with me and my emotional ramblings.
I have made no secret of the struggles I had after Little Man’s birth; I suffered from post-natal anxiety pretty severely. In a nutshell I struggled with going out of the house, anxiety attacks, fear of things happening to us, etc. I wasn’t in a very good place and it was a hard time for me and the people around me. If you want to read about my journey then please visit this page. Rest assured there is a happy ending.
My happy ending came in the form of finding something to stabilise the hormonal side of my post-natal anxiety and from self taught methods of pushing through the anxiety as much as I could. I wrote a post quite a while ago about whether I would ever be ready to do it all again with the fear of post-natal anxiety hanging over me.
Well here we are. I’m 24 weeks in and I’m okay. I think I expected to be okay through pregnancy because pregnancy hormones are quite good to me in the sense of keeping me quite calm. However when the twin shaped curve ball was thrown I think even I thought I might wobble. So far so good though. I think I just have the same fears as any Mum would have when faced with twins on the way and a 4 year old and a husband that works away every week…I mean, it is a bit daunting isn’t it!?
So am I scared the post-natal anxiety will come back? Yes I am petrified. However my situation is different this time. I was very lonely when I had Little Man; he was an easy baby and that made it worse in a way because I had a lot of time to sit and irrationally worry about things and then the evenings were long too. We weren’t getting out, we weren’t seeing people and it escalated very quickly. This time around I will have 2 babies!!!! I won’t have time to sit down but also every day I will have to get us all up and get Little Man to pre-school. This will get me out even if that’s all I manage to do with the day. I know my friends and family have got my back too and will be keeping an eye out for me.
If the anxiety comes back I know how to deal with it too. I have my coping mechanisms. I know it is nothing to worry about and I know nothing horrible will happen to me. I know it will be okay because it already has been.
So I am putting on my brave face and me and my baby girls are pushing through this together. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Has anyone else had experience with this?