I wrote my last post nearly 5 weeks ago telling you all our bittersweet news; if you don’t know you can read about it here. I have barely had time to think let alone blog but I have missed it so here I am in 5 minutes of quiet time dusting off the laptop (it was surprisingly dusty!).
Obviously our lives have taken a strange turning and going through my list of planned posts, most of which included the word ‘twins’ has left me feeling a little sad and a little unsure about what I want to say. So instead of sitting down with my planner and working out posts to share with you I thought we could catch up.
How are you? Have you had a good summer?
If you have read my last post you will know mine hasn’t been quite as expected. Right about now I thought I would be just starting to think about the impending c-section to deliver the twins and Little Man’s first day of preschool. I had taken 4 weeks annual leave from the 29th July to rest my rather tired legs, read a few books, spend some quality time with Little Man, catch up with friends. Instead on the 29th July I finished work in the afternoon and headed to the hospital in the evening because of reduced movements.
On the 30th of July my girls were born; one meant for heaven and one meant for earth.
Since then my summer became the summer my world turned upside down.
I can’t quite believe that was all just over 5 weeks ago. My life is now about splitting time between Little Man at home and Little Lady in Neonatal. I spend my days feeling guilty I am not with the other one. It’s an impossible position to be in but slowly but surely over the weeks I have managed to find some sort of routine and it works as well as it can do for us. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is only temporary and in a couple of months she will hopefully be home.
So here we are now in September. Little Man has had his first day of preschool. Something I had been dreading; he loved it but with all the changes that he has had to get used to I was worried for him. He did me proud as always. And now it is all about finding a new routine again between school runs and hospital visits and of course G being away.
There are no words to explain to you how I feel. Losing a twin is a tricky one as of course I have Little Lady who I am so intensely grateful for and then I have the immense sadness that comes with losing her sister. Eventually I hope to write it down.
There are so many words in a jumble in my head.
I also want to tell our story; for us but also for others. Neonatal is a scary place and there is so much I would like to tell you about what amazing things go on behind those doors. I want to tell you about my amazing boy who has been my little rock. And I want to share our still born story with you to help others who may feel as alone as I did when it all happened.
But for now, we have caught up and another chapter of my life and this blog has begun. I hope you can bear with me and come along for the ride once more. The comments I have had from people on social media have been amazing, the support on our Just Giving page has been overwheming and the general kindness of everyone especially my blogging buddies has been invaluable. Most of all if a member of my family or at least one of my amazing friends is reading this post – thank you. Without you I wouldn’t be getting through it.