With everything that has happened in the last few months people have often used the word strength when talking to me. They admire my strength, they think I’m really strong. It makes me feel a bit strange; it is so lovely that people think this. I of course don’t see this in myself. I am the only one who see’s me crying in the shower before I face the day I guess. I don’t know if it is strength that is inbuilt in me; I think is more about what other people and other things have given me to make me strong.
Little Man gets me up everyday. He shouts that he needs a wee most mornings at 5am! I have to get up; I very rarely let myself get back into bed. He needs me. That makes me strong.
Little Lady gets me up everyday. She needs her Mummy feeding her, taking her to hospital appointments, getting to know her, loving her. That makes me strong.
Little Angel gets me up everyday. I want to do things in her memory. I want to remember her. I want her to have a legacy. I want her to know wherever she is that I am looking after her sister, just like she did in my tummy. That makes me strong.
My friends and family get me up everyday. They message me to check I’m ok, send me flowers or just pop round for a cuppa and a normal chat about normal things. That makes me strong.
All these things get me out of bed, they make me strong. Everyone who is around me make me strong and give me the strength to smile every day. Sometimes I worry if people think I don’t care because I’m not crying in front of them or grieving in the conventional way. In one way I don’t have time at the moment but on the other hand I do it in private and when I’m getting on with life I draw from the strength that everyone around me gives me.
Strength is down to everyone around you. Strength isn’t a choice sometimes it’s the only way.