A Sorry Letter to my Boy

Dear Little Man,

What a year we have had! When Daddy is away you and I are a little team especially before your sister came along. I couldn’t have had a better right hand man. You have been amazing but I’m not sure I have told you. I’m really sorry about that.

It all started in Febrary when Mummy peed on a stick! I have to admit I was pretty excited to give you a sibling. Then we found out it was twins and then twin girls. Even then, you didn’t let it faze you. You wanted boys but you got your head around it and as always took it in your stride. My pregnancy was tough going, I think you more than anyone know that. I’m sorry I would disappear all the time due to that pesky morning sickness. I’m sorry I would always tell you I’d play later when I didn’t feel sick except I always felt sick.

Then one day you woke up and Granny and Grandad were here and we had gone. It must have been strange for you, it was only the second morning in your whole life you had woken up without me. Then Daddy came home and told you that your sisters were here a little earlier than expected. He had to tell you that one of your sisters had gone to heaven and that the other was very poorly in hospital. I’m sorry Little Man. I know I couldn’t prevent it but I’m sorry you lost a sister before you got to know her. Everyone tells me and Daddy how sorry they are but no one really tells you do they?! As always you took it in your stride.

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Then our journey with Little Lady started. You didn’t see me very much. I am sorry about that. I hope you know I tried my best though. I would race down the motorway from the hospital to make sure I could give you a bedtime kiss. I know it probably felt like you had slipped to the bottom of the pile but you hadn’t. You and your sister were always my priority.

Then Little Lady came home and you had to adjust to having a baby at home. Oh, Little Man you have just been amazing. You help me and you love her. You love her so much. You really are an amazing big brother. There have been times where I may have not told you how proud I am of you.

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I’m sorry I didn’t get to support you with your first days of preschool as much as I would have liked to.

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how proud I was of you when you settled down in the hospital every week next to your sister with your sticker book.

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how amazing you were at your sisters funeral. How you kept me going. How you showed me how to be strong.

I’m sorry I didn’t quite plan your birthday with as much care as I would have normally.

I’m sorry Little Man but even more I am proud. I hope you read this when you are older and really understand how strong you are and how big a tower of strength you have been to me. We are all very lucky to have you in our lives.

Mummy x

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1 Comment

  1. December 3, 2016 / 3:04 pm

    This is beautiful Rachel and I’m sure he doesn’t feel you need to be sorry for anything. No one should have to go through what you and your little family have. It sounds like he is an amazing big brother and that photo of them both just melts me!

    Stevie xxx
    A Cornish Mum recently posted…02/12 PicknMix Fridays Blog LinkyMy Profile

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