A Letter to my Angel at Christmas Time

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Dear Little Angel,

It’s Christmas time. At the end of this week myself, your Daddy, your big brother and your twin sister will be settling down in front of the Christmas tree opening presents. It’ll be a happy day; that’s really important to me this year. Your brother hasn’t had an easy year and I really want this to be a special Christmas for him.

Please Little Angel, don’t think I have forgotten you though; my missing piece. I planned matching Christmas pudding outfits for you and your sister. A photo opportunity to bring out on your 18th birthday. I planned a hectic Christmas in my new role as a Mummy of 3. It was my goal, it was what was getting me through the year. Now, don’t worry I will still put your sister in an embarrassing outfit, you can have a little giggle wherever you are. But when we are all laughing and having fun please remember I am thinking about you too.

There is a little decoration on the tree with your name on, there is one from Granny and Grandad too. One of the most lovely people in my life is helping me to put something nice on your grave so you can have a little bit of Christmas too. I hope you like that.

Christmas will be a funny one this year. Your sisters first Christmas and I’m so grateful she is here to join in with the festivities thanks to you. I’ll make sure her and your brother have lots of fun. In amongst all of the craziness we will come and visit you. We will wish you a merry Christmas, we will remember you.

There will be a lot of first’s won’t there? I think because you are a twin they will always be days of mixed emotions; your birthday, Little Lady’s first tooth, first steps. I will of course, be overcome with pride but also a tinge of sadness will come over me when I wonder if you would have been doing it at the same time.

I hope in some way you will be joining in with us on Christmas Day. I hope you know you are part of it too. We will never forget you.

Merry Christmas my beautiful girl. I’ll be looking out for your shiny star.

Mummy x

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