6 Months On

Wow 6 months! 6 months ago I was in shock. One of my girls had grown her wings and one was in an incubator fighting for her life. Not forgetting my little man waking up to find Mummy & Daddy had gone in the night and Granny and Grandad were there instead. It’s amazing how your life can change in an instant. How your whole outlook can change; my whole world was rocked and to be honest it’s not stopped since.
So 6 months on we have a new normal. So much has changed.
I am learning how to walk through each day with a dark shadow of loss and grief hanging over me. I am learning how to smile through it and use strength that was buried deep inside me. It doesn’t get easier but learning to deal with it does.
 As for Little Lady, well I have learnt from her how to be strong. She has taught me what fighting really is. To look at her now it’s hard to imagine that tiny 3lb baby snuggled in her incubator. The whole Neonatal experience seems a bit surreal now. Was that really us? Hours sat next to her incubator, half an hour of cuddles a day, tube feeds and the beeping machine. The beeps that would bring nurses racing to her side getting her to remember to breath. Now she is a chubby 6 month old getting ready to wean. She has a lot of catching up to do as development wise she is more like a 3 month old but I have no doubt she’ll get there. She oozes fight, strength and pure determination. She isn’t the easiest baby but when the crying gets too much I only have to think of the days when I couldn’t even hear that cry from inside the incubator because it was so weak and quiet.
Little Man. Well Little Man is a tower of strength in his own way. He hugs me when he sees tears in my eyes, he adores his sister and he has grown up a lot in the last 6 months. Preschool has been the distraction he needed from all the upheaval at home and although we have had a few bad days he is truly an inspiration to me. It’s amazing how much you can learn from the little people in your life about life and how to deal with it when the chips are down.
So 6 months has been and gone and although I know there are more hills to climb and more battles to face I hope we are on the up.
Mummy Times Two

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  • Sarah Howe
    30/01/2017 at 16:10

    Aw bless I’m so glad she is doing so well. I often think about how you must be getting on…the amazing love for your gorgeous two but the memory of your little girl, who grew her wings. It must be bitter sweet. Lovely update and looking forward to seeing how she gets on! xx

    • Mummy in Training
      30/01/2017 at 16:16

      Aw thanks so much lovely xx

  • Mummy Times Two
    30/01/2017 at 22:02

    What at utterly beautiful post. I cannot even imagine how hard what you have been through must be, but I am so glad that slowly you are finding a way to live with the pain and enjoy your two beautiful children. Nothing I can write will ever be enough, but sending much love and many thanks. I’m sure your post will give a lot of comfort to a lot of parents and I’m honoured that you shared it with us at #PostsFromTheHeart

  • Gemma | Two Little Misters
    01/02/2017 at 20:22

    It’s lovely to read this update, I often think about you and wonder how you’re getting on! It must be so hard to deal with such a bittersweet situation and find ways to keep going when I’m sure your feelings are very conflicted at times. Little Lady is growing beautifully, what a cutie! And Little Man sounds such a caring boy and a great support for you all. #PostsFromTheHeart


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I’m Rachel, a 30 something Mum to 6 year old Little Man & 2 year old twin girls (one with us & one in the sky).

I’m an anxiety sufferer, list writer and secret chocolate eater.

Join me going from anxious to organised.

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