6 Months On
Wow 6 months! 6 months ago I was in shock. One of my girls had grown her wings and one was in an incubator fighting for her life. Not forgetting my little man waking up to find Mummy & Daddy had gone in the night and Granny and Grandad were there instead. It’s amazing how your life can change in an instant. How your whole outlook can change; my whole world was rocked and to be honest it’s not stopped since.
So 6 months on we have a new normal. So much has changed.
I am learning how to walk through each day with a dark shadow of loss and grief hanging over me. I am learning how to smile through it and use strength that was buried deep inside me. It doesn’t get easier but learning to deal with it does.
As for Little Lady, well I have learnt from her how to be strong. She has taught me what fighting really is. To look at her now it’s hard to imagine that tiny 3lb baby snuggled in her incubator. The whole Neonatal experience seems a bit surreal now. Was that really us? Hours sat next to her incubator, half an hour of cuddles a day, tube feeds and the beeping machine. The beeps that would bring nurses racing to her side getting her to remember to breath. Now she is a chubby 6 month old getting ready to wean. She has a lot of catching up to do as development wise she is more like a 3 month old but I have no doubt she’ll get there. She oozes fight, strength and pure determination. She isn’t the easiest baby but when the crying gets too much I only have to think of the days when I couldn’t even hear that cry from inside the incubator because it was so weak and quiet.
Little Man. Well Little Man is a tower of strength in his own way. He hugs me when he sees tears in my eyes, he adores his sister and he has grown up a lot in the last 6 months. Preschool has been the distraction he needed from all the upheaval at home and although we have had a few bad days he is truly an inspiration to me. It’s amazing how much you can learn from the little people in your life about life and how to deal with it when the chips are down.
So 6 months has been and gone and although I know there are more hills to climb and more battles to face I hope we are on the up.