I had a mummy sick day on Sunday. The first time in a long time. I lay in bed feeling utterly sorry for myself but also feeling guilty that I wasn’t with the kids. I wasn’t getting the washing done, I wasn’t playing with them and I felt awful about it. Funnily enough though their world didn’t fall apart and everything was fine but that didn’t stop the guilt.
As parents it seems to be in our job description that we do it all. We have a million and one things to do all the time and there is no time to stop. There is no time to rest and give in to pesky colds. Except sometimes you have to. With a baby that’s not too keen on sleep, a 4 year old that has never heard of the words lie in, a house to keep reasonably in order, a blog to write, oh and some sort of social life to have my life can get rather busy and tiring. I run from one task to the next constantly feeling like everything I do is only done with about 50% effort because I am already thinking about the next thing. But after spending the day in bed and my kids world not ripping at the seams I have come to realise I am not supermum. And the most important thing? That is okay.
I like to be busy and organised and feel like I have achieved something at the end of each day but sometimes a duvet day and a Netflix catch up is the way forward. We, as parents need to recharge too otherwise really what use are we?!
Yet I can’t help thinking if this ‘busy mum’ thing I do is also to do with my grief for Little Angel. I should have twins and everyone told me how hard it would be. Yes, I think it would have been but I was determined to make it as a mum of three and still have my make up on by 9am. Keeping busy helps me cope with my sadness but the determined part of me also wants to prove that I can do it with two kids because I was going to do it with three. I often catch myself wondering when I am at my wits end with a moody Little Man and a crying Little Lady, how I would have managed with three and then that is a whole new sort of guilt.
So am I Supermum? No I am not. I can’t juggle all the time and sometimes not drop the balls. I can’t be a good Mummy, blogger, housewife, daughter and friend all the time. I can’t do everything and I need to stop giving myself a hard time about it because I am doing my best. Soon I will have work to throw into the mix too and there comes a time where you have to look at the layer of dust in the living room and be okay with it being there for a couple more days longer. Supermum or Superdad we are not but super mums and dads we are.