I’ve dusted off the laptop. I’ve dug it out from behind the sofa and stared at a blank page for a while. You see, I forgot how to do it. When everything happened it was all I wanted to do; pour my heart out onto the screen. My head was so full of feelings and they needed to escape so I wrote.
What I have realised over the last couple of months that for the first 6 months after the twins were born I was in shock, a huge amount of shock. I wanted to shout it from the roof tops. I couldn’t handle people talking to me like I was ‘normal’. It must have been uncomfortable for some; I didn’t cry at them. I just very plainly said that I had had twins but one had passed away and the other was fighting for her life in an incubator. Then Little Lady came home and things eased a little bit but I was in the new baby bubble, you know the one I mean. And then I started to relax a bit with her too.
Then. BAM. The words stopped.
The shock dissipated a bit and I clammed up. I couldn’t talk about it. I wanted to be normal then. I didn’t want people to look at me too hard in case they could actually see my heart breaking. I didn’t want people to think I was weak or ungrateful for the kids that I did have with me. I couldn’t write about it, not just that, I couldn’t write about anything. Writing about every day stuff felt unimportant but writing about what was at the forefront of my mind felt wrong too.
But now we are in July; the month that will never feel like a normal month again. The month that will be forever more the month that made me a Mummy again, it will hold my Little Lady’s birthday and it will hold my heartbreak and the memories of my little angel. All of a sudden the words feel ready to come out. So, to those who have stuck with me, thank you. I am ready to share everything with you again and hopefully help a few a long the way. And if all else fails we can have a laugh at moments like when a dog tried to eat my Little Mans sandwich and I was a little bit scared! Time to bring the words back. Blog, I am back.
Glad to see you back blogging xx
It’s good to be back lovely. Thank you xx
Rachel you are incredibly breve. I cannot imagine how you felt and I’m not going to insult you by pretending too. But your writing is beautiful and I’m so glad you’re back! 🙂 sending so much love and strength to you all this month ox
Oh thank you so much for such a lovely comment beaut. It’s good to be back xx
Ah so lovely to see you back. Big love to your gorgeous family x
Thank you so much lovely lady xx
Rachel you are amazing. So lovely to see you back xx
Thanks so much hun xx
Oh Rachel, I’m so happy that you’re blogging again. You write beautifully. This month is going to be tough but we’re all here for you. Sending you so much love. Lucy xxxx
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Thank you. You ladies are awesome xxx
Lovely to see you back again lovely. Lots of love and hope you can get through this time xx
Thank you so much lovely xx
Rachel it’s great to have you back and I’ll be here reading everything that you have to say. Lots of love xxx
Thank you so much hun xxzxxx
Welcome back to the crazy old world of blogging beautiful xxx
Welcome back! It is so nice to see you blogging again!
Sending love and hugs x
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