Mum Guilt – Am I Doing Enough?
We had half term here last week and although I had lots of things planned a lot of them fell by the wayside for one reason or anofher. Apart from one lovely day with my best friend and her boys we didn’t really do a lot. I really struggle with the guilt of this. I worry that I’m not giving Little Man an exciting school holiday. Social media has a part to play because I see what every one else is doing and feel bad about not doing it. We had a lot of time in the house, some of that was down to the dreadful weather but still by the time I got to Friday I felt like I had let Little Man down a bit. When I needed to work, he would ask me to play so I felt guilty about not being able to play with him as much as he wanted me to. And then of course there was all the normal household chores that I tend to do when he is at school. It started to make me feel like a bit of a rubbish Mum to be honest and made me feel quite anxious about the 6 weeks summer holiday.
Over the last couple of days however I have come to realise that the only person that is putting the guilt on me, is me. When I asked Little Man if he had a good half term he said he had. I forget that he is out of the house so much in term time that actually it’s probably quite nice for him to have proper time to play with his toys. As for Little Lady, well she was just thrilled to have her big brother around all week. And when I look back on it, we may not have done any fancy day outs but they had fun playing with their friends, we visited the park and they made pizza with Granny.
This subject is a continuous worry for me. I worry that I don’t do enough practical activities with Little Lady, I worry that we don’t do much at weekends sometimes, I worry that I should be spending time with the kids rather than doing the washing.
It’s hard isn’t it? The juggle is tricky and I think a lot of Mums have a similar worry. Are we doing enough for our kids? However I’m starting to think that the real question is, do we have to be everything to our kids? The saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ is one that is swirling around social media a lot at the moment and I think it has a bit of weight to it. My kids are very lucky that they have a good network of people around them. For example Little Man has Grandad to encourage his interest in growing vegetables and he has Daddy to support him with his love of building lego. He has me to help him with his reading and all the other things I do for him too. He even has his sister to teach him about sharing. I don’t have to be everything to him as long as I’m his Mummy and the same goes for Little Lady too.
Maybe we should stop giving ourselves such a hard time about the things we aren’t doing and start focusing on all the amazing things we do for our children because I guarantee the list of things we don’t do is a hell of a lot shorter than the the list of things we do.
If I could hire a cleaner, chef, housekeeper, assistant and general human diary then I would in a heartbeat and I would be on the floor playing battles all day every day but that’s not our life and it’s not our real life. Really it’s a good thing to teach our kids that we need people around us to help and support us and to be one of those people to others too.
So are we doing enough? Who knows but being a Mum our way is the only way that our child knows and I’m pretty sure they’re happy with it.