Life After The Loss Of A Twin featuring Twin Mum Minus Mum
Welcome back to my series Life After the Loss of a Twin. I have had some really great feedback about raising awareness with these posts so I am glad I am not just sharing my story but others too. Losing a twin is such a bittersweet experience and brings on such a range of emotions. As always, with baby loss there is no right or wrong way to navigate the grief but I was interested to hear how other twin loss parents coped with it. Today we are hearing from Rhiannon from the Instagram account Twin Mum Minus One.
Tell me about you and your family.
I’m Rhiannon I’m 35 & have been married for 10 years to Gareth. We live in Pontypridd in South Wales.
How did you feel when you found out you were having twins?
We had 3 lovely children Olivia (13), Harrison (10) and Tait (7) when we found out we were expecting twins in December 2016. We were knocked off our feet to be told we were expecting twins! It was stressful but exciting too. 5 kids was going to be AMAZING!! I felt overwhelmed, special and very lucky.
Sharing as much or as little as you like tell me about your twins story.
How did you cope with the bittersweet emotions of losing a twin and having a surviving twin?
How do you remember your star in the sky?
I remember Isabelle with my whole being, everything in my life resolves around our special girl. We don’t have any rituals, we just talk about her all the time. I light my candle if I need too and I love to buy things with her name on. Me and the kids have a song in the car, when it comes on we remember Isabelle. We say her name. I think it’s so important that I normalise her death and our loss, it happened. They ask questions I’m okay with that too. I’ve cried with them here I’ve talked openly about what happened, I want them to know it’s okay to not be okay.
Did you get the support you needed from those around you when you were going through this time?
Having to carry your dead baby for 14 weeks after they pass is traumatic. I longed to grieve but couldn’t access the support as it instilled fear in me that I might lose Isla too. The risks of her being still born or having brain damage was high. By the time I was brave enough to fall asleep at night I was emotionally and physically drained, I didn’t connect with Isla in fear that the placenta would fail her too. I hated my body for letting her down.
How is your life now after loss?
Rightly or wrongly I feel that losing a twin like I did stops you from losing hope as you have so much to live for. However, continuing my pregnancy with Isla meant I didn’t get to meet Isabelle. I didn’t get to to hold her or kiss her . Physically she deteriorated in the time I carried her. That scared me. I didn’t have the space to figure out how I felt or grieve. My resilience was at empty.
I grieve my normal pregnancy. I look at my survivor with complete awe, she is truly a miracle. My heart aches as I want my girls together; Isla has been denied her closest friend, her other half. Nothing will make that okay but I have to I still the confidence in her that she is her own person, it just means she has an extra special angel on her side to guide her through life.
A massive thank you to Rhiannon for sharing such a personal story so honestly and for telling us all about her girls. If you want to follow her journey more than head over to Twin Mum Minus One on Instagram.
You can read other life after losing a twin stories below: