Dear NICU Nurses, I don’t think I ever properly said thank you; a rushed one maybe as I put my not even 5lb baby into her car seat for the very first time after 9 weeks of being with you. It was all a blur to be honest. We were clutching bags and bags of medication for her and trying not to drop the breathing monitor she was attached to. You all gave me encouraging smiles as I left, wished us well and told us to come back and visit you. I smiled, thanked you and we walked away. We… View Post

**Trigger Warning – Baby Loss**   The day my baby girl was born sleeping was the day I changed and the world changed around me. Nothing felt the same, nothing looked the same, people didn’t seem the same. It was a whole new journey that we were about to embark on and we had no idea how it was going to go. I think this is often the case for people who have lost a loved one at any age. It is one of the hardest times to go through in life. It can be lonely, heartbreaking and downright difficult.… View Post

**Trigger Warning – Baby Loss** Apparently I was talking in my sleep the other night. I was telling someone that Heidi was mine and not to take her away. I remember that dream vividly, mainly because I have it at least once a week. There is someone taking her out of my arms and walking away with her. I can’t get off the bed and she is gone. The most painful part of that dream is that she is alive. Sitting on the sofa at night with a big bar of chocolate crying my eyes out. Going through Heidi’s memory… View Post

Dear Heidi, I have just written your sisters 2nd birthday letter and now it’s time for yours. As I sat down to write this the familiar physical ache appeared in my chest. I think it’s my heart hurting, my heart letting me know that there is a piece of it missing. I still don’t have the words to describe how it feels to have lost you. How after getting used to having twins and being frightened of it but then having it ripped away from you can be the most debilitating feeling. How grief can be felt physically and how… View Post

Dear Little Lady, It’s your 2nd birthday! Oh it’s gone so fast. I feel like I’ve blinked and you’re 2. Two years ago I was meeting you and your sister for the first time. You looked so tiny in your incubator, there was barely any part of you that didn’t have some sort of wire attached to you. Right at that moment when I stroked your tiny hand I knew you were a fighter, a true warrior and you have proved me right. Your first year was all about getting you better, making sure you survived your early delivery but… View Post