When you hear people throw the word ‘premature’ around when it comes to babies you don’t ever take huge amounts of notice. It’s just a baby that was born a bit early. Nothing unheard of about that really. Until you have one. Until you are in a bed on a postnatal ward after giving birth and your baby is down the corridor. You’re not drinking in those first few moments of your babies life; cooing over them and getting to know them. Instead quite often they are fighting for their lives, learning how to survive when they weren’t ready to… View Post

‘How many children do you have?’ A pretty standard question in a lot of small talk conversations. Someone new at work, someone you meet at a playgroup, a new friend. An easy question really, until now. ‘How many children do you have Rachel?’ 1, 2, 3, 35. The answer doesn’t really matter to most people. Your answer has no impact on their life particularly. It is just small talk until you ask a Mum like me. A Mum that has lost. When I was pregnant one of the most lovely things about it was when someone asked about the baby… View Post

With everything that has happened in the last few months people have often used the wordĀ strength when talking to me. They admire my strength, they think I’m really strong. It makes me feel a bit strange; it is so lovely that people think this. I of course don’t see this in myself. I am the only one who see’s me crying in the shower before I face the day I guess. I don’t know if it is strength that is inbuilt in me; I think is more about what other people and other things have given me to make me… View Post

Trigger Warning Dear Little Angel, I’ve been wanting to write this letter for a while, I don’t think I could find the words until now. I am sitting here with your twin sister, she is cuddled up in her bouncer after a lovely milk feed. You probably want to know that she is doing well; she has overcome some amazing obstacles and she is doing us all proud. You did that. You let me know that something was wrong in my tummy; the home that you shared with your sister. Thank you. Grief is a funny thing isn’t it? You… View Post

*Trigger Warning* The consultant looked up at me with tears in her eyes. The midwife gently held my hand. ‘I can only find one heartbeat’ the consultant said. That moment after she’d said those words; time stood still. There’s no leaflet in your antenatal classes that prepare you for those words. There’s no warning in the pregnancy test box that tells you that the feeling of elation when you get your positive might end in pain. There was however a very nice Doctor who at my 16 week scan told me the risks of having identical twins. There were also… View Post