With everything that has happened in the last few months people have often used the word strength when talking to me. They admire my strength, they think I’m really strong. It makes me feel a bit strange; it is so lovely that people think this. I of course don’t see this in myself. I am the only one who see’s me crying in the shower before I face the day I guess. I don’t know if it is strength that is inbuilt in me; I think is more about what other people and other things have given me to make me… View Post

Trigger Warning Dear Little Angel, I’ve been wanting to write this letter for a while, I don’t think I could find the words until now. I am sitting here with your twin sister, she is cuddled up in her bouncer after a lovely milk feed. You probably want to know that she is doing well; she has overcome some amazing obstacles and she is doing us all proud. You did that. You let me know that something was wrong in my tummy; the home that you shared with your sister. Thank you. Grief is a funny thing isn’t it? You… View Post

*Trigger Warning* The consultant looked up at me with tears in her eyes. The midwife gently held my hand. ‘I can only find one heartbeat’ the consultant said. That moment after she’d said those words; time stood still. There’s no leaflet in your antenatal classes that prepare you for those words. There’s no warning in the pregnancy test box that tells you that the feeling of elation when you get your positive might end in pain. There was however a very nice Doctor who at my 16 week scan told me the risks of having identical twins. There were also… View Post

Dear New Neonatal Mum, I saw you when you walked into the room that our daughters are in. You smiled and said hi, I congratulated you on your beautiful girl. You said how surprised you are that my teeny tiny girl was nearly 6 weeks old, we politely swapped stories. You looked frightened. I remember feeling like that.   I don’t think you ever know what goes on behind those doors until you’re there. All those tiny babies, all those poorly babies and the parents who are as white as a sheet. The beeping…oh god the beeping. It drives you… View Post

My blog and writing is such a big part of my life; I spend half my life doing something and writing the blog post about it in my head at the same time. For once, however I just couldn’t find the words. But, this blog is all about the ups and downs of parenting and from a more personal point of view a family diary for us. I have gone backwards and forwards deciding whether to just shut it down, whether to skim over things or tell you about what’s happened. I’m going with the third option. So here goes,… View Post