*TRIGGER WARNING* Dear Little Angel, It’s Christmas time. At the end of this week myself, your Daddy, your big brother and your twin sister will be settling down in front of the Christmas tree opening presents. It’ll be a happy day; that’s really important to me this year. Your brother hasn’t had an easy year and I really want this to be a special Christmas for him. Please Little Angel, don’t think I have forgotten you though; my missing piece. I planned matching Christmas pudding outfits for you and your sister. A photo opportunity to bring out on your 18th… View Post

*TRIGGER WARNING* ‘We have found there was no reason for it’. For the 2nd time in that hospital time stood still. The consultant handed me a box of tissues. Tears were escaping. I couldn’t help it. No reason? It just happened? That did not make it okay. People telling me it happened for a reason made it somewhat okay. Three medical professionals sat in a cold office telling me otherwise didn’t make it okay. On Thursday we were invited back to the hospital to hear the hospitals findings from the investigation in regards to what happened to my twins. ‘It’ll… View Post

‘How many children do you have?’ A pretty standard question in a lot of small talk conversations. Someone new at work, someone you meet at a playgroup, a new friend. An easy question really, until now. ‘How many children do you have Rachel?’ 1, 2, 3, 35. The answer doesn’t really matter to most people. Your answer has no impact on their life particularly. It is just small talk until you ask a Mum like me. A Mum that has lost. When I was pregnant one of the most lovely things about it was when someone asked about the baby… View Post

With everything that has happened in the last few months people have often used the wordĀ strength when talking to me. They admire my strength, they think I’m really strong. It makes me feel a bit strange; it is so lovely that people think this. I of course don’t see this in myself. I am the only one who see’s me crying in the shower before I face the day I guess. I don’t know if it is strength that is inbuilt in me; I think is more about what other people and other things have given me to make me… View Post

Trigger Warning Dear Little Angel, I’ve been wanting to write this letter for a while, I don’t think I could find the words until now. I am sitting here with your twin sister, she is cuddled up in her bouncer after a lovely milk feed. You probably want to know that she is doing well; she has overcome some amazing obstacles and she is doing us all proud. You did that. You let me know that something was wrong in my tummy; the home that you shared with your sister. Thank you. Grief is a funny thing isn’t it? You… View Post