*TRIGGER WARNING* ‘We have found there was no reason for it’. For the 2nd time in that hospital time stood still. The consultant handed me a box of tissues. Tears were escaping. I couldn’t help it. No reason? It just happened? That did not make it okay. People telling me it happened for a reason made it somewhat okay. Three medical professionals sat in a cold office telling me otherwise didn’t make it okay. On Thursday we were invited back to the hospital to hear the hospitals findings from the investigation in regards to what happened to my twins. ‘It’ll… View Post

When you hear people throw the word ‘premature’ around when it comes to babies you don’t ever take huge amounts of notice. It’s just a baby that was born a bit early. Nothing unheard of about that really. Until you have one. Until you are in a bed on a postnatal ward after giving birth and your baby is down the corridor. You’re not drinking in those first few moments of your babies life; cooing over them and getting to know them. Instead quite often they are fighting for their lives, learning how to survive when they weren’t ready to… View Post

If you catch up with me regularly on here you will know that G works away so I fly solo with this parenting lark in the week. Even before I had Little Lady organisation was key. For 3 days of the week I had to get Little Man up and out for the door and in nursery for 7.30 so I could be zooming down the motorway and in work for 8am. Now I am on maternity leave you would think that could slow down a bit but of course, with maternity leave comes a baby! Sam left nursery to… View Post

Trigger Warning Dear Little Angel, I’ve been wanting to write this letter for a while, I don’t think I could find the words until now. I am sitting here with your twin sister, she is cuddled up in her bouncer after a lovely milk feed. You probably want to know that she is doing well; she has overcome some amazing obstacles and she is doing us all proud. You did that. You let me know that something was wrong in my tummy; the home that you shared with your sister. Thank you. Grief is a funny thing isn’t it? You… View Post

Dear New Neonatal Mum, I saw you when you walked into the room that our daughters are in. You smiled and said hi, I congratulated you on your beautiful girl. You said how surprised you are that my teeny tiny girl was nearly 6 weeks old, we politely swapped stories. You looked frightened. I remember feeling like that.   I don’t think you ever know what goes on behind those doors until you’re there. All those tiny babies, all those poorly babies and the parents who are as white as a sheet. The beeping…oh god the beeping. It drives you… View Post